Day 12

Hello, today's entry is a little different. This morning I saw an article shared on Facebook on one of the alcohol support groups I actively participate on:

20 Common Things People Realise When They Quit Drinking

I've actually seen this going around on a few FB pages today actually. The reason I'm mentioning this is because at 12 days since my last drink I can already clearly relate to every one of the 20 points mentioned. The changes to my own life since not drinking, so far, has been incredible, and actually quite fascinating to notice consciously as these types of things are mentioned through discussions on the Facebook groups, blogs and articles I've read and Annie Grace's book "This Naked Mind", which I've just about finished. If not for these sources it would have most likely just been noticeable as feeling better and more awake. But to have the specifics laid out in point form like this makes me realise factually and specifically how quitting the booze has made a difference in my own personal circumstances.

So, I have listed the various points from the article below, verbatim, and added annotations of my own experiences of sobering up with each point.

I must admit, this method of going alcohol free, the "spontaneous sobriety" way as described in my previous post, is definitely far more suited to my own personality and far more enjoyable and exciting than the AA would be with attending boring meetings trying to fit into old-school clique's and having to report to a sponsor (like a boss) and working the 12 steps and studying the big book alongside some serious prayer and bible study, etc. With my highly anxious and restless and excitable personality those methods would probably bore me back into the bottle. Again, no offence or disrespect intended to those people for whom the AA method works, if that got you sober then that's awesome! It's just not for me! I like this modernized "change of mentality" of freeing myself from alcoholism rather than forever carrying that burden of being a permanently sick, recovering drunk. I rather want to brag about being an ex-drunk, recovered and living life free and to the fullest without worrying about alcohol, able to confidently and enthusiastically help others get out of the gutter of alcohol addiction!

Anyway, I'm waffling again. Here are the 20 points copied and pasted from 20 Common Things People Realise When They Quit Drinking with my own points added, in red.

1.) The first major thing people see is a dramatic improvement in overall physical health. This commonly includes significant weight loss, improved digestion, greater energy and less fatigue, clearer skin, and they no longer wake up with even mild hangovers, headaches or nausea.

• This is a worthy first point! Definitely, in less than 2 weeks the health improvements are noticeable! I can't say I'm losing weight because I was mostly a whiskey and soda drinker, very low calorie drink compared to others, and since ditching the booze I'm certainly eating a LOT more. I suppose you can call it a replacement. But I'm not worried about that, I'm starting to run more, with a 50km ultramarathon on tomorrow, the weight will come off in it's own time. That's not the priority now. Otherwise, it certainly is awesome to be waking up day after day with no hangovers, feeling more refreshed and physically alive and energetic each day. And I've had no indigestion at all, whereas while drinking I got them daily, painfully! To feel healthier, stronger, livelier all day is a billion times better than the few minutes of joy that first tipsy buzz gives from the first drink of the night before destroying it all into a mental wasteland and abject unhappiness, bad moods and physical suffering from the next day's hangover. I DO NOT miss hangovers!

2.) Improvements in mental health include decreased overall anxiety, improvements in depression, much higher levels of mental clarity, improved memory, better concentration, increased sense of connection, decreased levels of stress, higher self-esteem, greater motivation and a more positive outlook on life in general.

• Pretty much all of the above!
  I am generally an incredibly anxious person, more so over the years. I also have adult ADD (self diagnosed, but there is no doubt, all the symptoms are present and strong!) The anxiety, I'm not sure if it was caused by or aggravated by the alcohol or if it was a contributor to my alcohol addiction, or both; but since not drowning my senses in ethanol poisoning I do feel less anxious most of the time unless I'm craving a drink, then it comes out in earnest, like last night, and it's a bladdy nuisance!
  Yes alcohol contributes massively to the depression caused by other life challenges, compounding the emotions, so of course I'm now less stressed and not feeling as pitiful as before and certainly less stressed. The lighter load emotionally is fantastic, making way for more positive attitude and a noticeable improved level of self-confidence and self respect. Dealing with people is becoming a welcome challenge, instead of an avoidable necessity to hide the permanent hangovers and slow responses.

3.) Sleep dramatically improves. They find it much easier to fall asleep, they sleep much better throughout the night, and they feel much more rested upon waking.

• Yes, I just mentioned to my wife this morning how much better I'm sleeping, more restful and relaxed and comfortable, right through the night. No more restlessness, constant thirst to quench from the bathroom tap multiple times, no constant bad dreams anymore. Just sound, comfortable deep sleep, waking up feeling well rested every day! It's sheer bliss, I love sleeping now!

4.) They commonly see big changes in their attitude towards other people, noticing that it tends to be easier to see things from the perspective of others as they feel less self-absorbed. They find it much easier to be empathetic towards others.

• Relationships are certainly improving, both at home and at work. It's easier to get respect from people when we're not behaving like idiots or trying to hide booze breath at work and covering up stupid remarks and mistakes. Relations with the wife are improving and time with my daughter is just precious. That fact alone will keep me out the bottle - being sober now I can see the emotional harm it does to my beautiful child by being drunk and useless to her. 

5.) Quitting drinking typically saves a great deal of money.

• Fact. Around R2000 per month, around R24,000 per year. The percentage of my annual salary spent on alcohol is in the double digits.

6.) They save a great deal of time as they get their evenings, night-time, an mornings back. They frequently embark in new endeavors or try new activities which were impossible to do with an alcoholic lifestyle.

• The amount of time lost to being drunk in my life is immeasurable! Entire evenings, day after day, lost into the oblivion of being drunk, much of it a complete loss to memory, blackouts. Precious family time lost, fun evenings with friends and family which I do not remember. Entire Saturdays and Sundays wasted to lame hangovers. The cumulative productive or conscious time lost to drinking across my 23 years of drinking must run into years! Years of life wasted that I will never get back! And who knows by how much all those years of drinking have already shortened what's left of my time on earth! Now without the drinking I am freeing up a lot more time to spend with my family and for running and exercise!

7.) They realize that they don’t actually need to drink to have fun and enjoy themselves at parties and social gatherings, thus exposing the great cultural lie that alcohol equals a good time. For many, they discover that alcohol actually strains social relationships rather than strengthening them.

• This I have not yet experienced much of, but I am excited to test this theory, knowing what I know now about alcohol and the mental perception around drinking. Maybe that will happen this weekend, a party with my regular drinking friends. I did go to the pub last Friday, and that was ok though still difficult. I feel that a week later I'm certainly stronger for it!

8.) They begin to see themselves for who they really are, no longer using alcohol as a mask behind which to hide. This can be both enlightening and startling as they are forced to accept both the good and the bad aspects of the self. They must then choose how to confront the emotional realities of their life. Something that is all but impossible with regular consumption of alcohol.

• True story, I am learning about myself as if it's a new person I have recently met and engaged in a relationship with. I like this new person and I'd like to get to now more...

9.) They realize that alcohol tends to make personal problems worse.

• ...and causes personal problems! The other crap in my life does seem less daunting to deal with without the constant thoughts of if, when and how the next drink will come and finding a drink to make my other problems seem less. Which of course it doesn't, booze only makes EVERYTHING worse!

10.) People find they have fewer regrets when living alcohol free. Not only do they not do stupid, risky and troublesome things when drunk, but they also are more available to experience more from life.

• Simple. When I'm pissed I do and say stupid shit all the time, often embarrassing or hurtful to others. Take the drink away and that problem is no longer a problem, less regrets, less waking up with a sinking feeling wondering what crap I caused again last night! I have managed to ruin relationships and friendships while drunk and not being able to remember how or what I did to do so! That realisation is a horrible horrible feeling! Yet the response was to feel sorry for myself by getting drunk again! How embarrassing to admit that!

11.) Quitting is both very difficult and very easy. The first stretch when they stop drinking is the most challenging, as the cravings for booze must be reckoned with, yet once they’ve experienced sobriety, they find it is much easier than they had imagined to stay sober, even when hanging out with drunk people.

• Again this is true to the letter. The cravings are strong, the desire to drink can be quite all consuming, especially in the first week or so and the challenge to overcome those desires and cravings takes some creative maneuvers, but it is becoming easier gradually and is certainly proving to be not just easier than I imagined, but actually possible to do without divine intervention and AA meetings and sponsors, therapy, rehabs, etc. I can do this on my own steam with knowledge and understanding of what I'm trying to achieve, not just sheer aimless willpower.

12.) For some reason it really makes drinkers uncomfortable to be around someone who is abstaining. They realize that people who drink are incredibly judgmental towards non-drinkers, and will try anything to get a sober person to join the party with a drink. They will even make fun of you or put you down.

• This I have noticed already. The few people who know about what I'm doing, some of whom are close friends, have shown clear discomfort at my polite refusal to drink. Some have tried convincing me to just have one, some have made fun of my abstinence, some just don't seem to know what to say. But it's fine, I have a good sense of humour, I can take the jokes as I'll be having the last laugh, and I'm not making a big deal about not drinking alcohol in an effort to diffuse the unease and latent distrust at my dodgy choice to remain sober!

13.) They notice that many people are just assholes when they drink. This is not always easy to see when partaking in booze with everyone else, but with the clarity of sobriety, many find that the quick-witted social rock stars appear that seem so impressive at the bar are just really attention seeking jerks.

• I know I was one of those, the obnoxious know-it-all drunk assholes! I knew it at the time but didn't care, and I've often seen it in others before I go over the same edge of dignity, and didn't care. Now it's going to be fascinating to watch, and see what I used to be like, and probably cringe at realising how bad I was.

14.) They realize that booze fueled conversations are actually boring, ego-driven and quite superficial, as well as highly prone to aggressiveness, bickering, fighting and ill sentiments.

• I've seen all of this so many hundreds and thousands of times and probably been all of this - boring, slurring conversations, egotistical, obnoxious, etc. But again I look forward to being the sober one watching it all in other drunks with a clear critical analyzing mind!

15.) They realize that people can be just as toxic as substances, and that many relationships are not able to survive without the crutch of booze. They tend to learn a great deal about who their true friends really are.

• I have not been sober for long enough to have the chance to see which of my "friends" will prove to be real friends if I'm not drinking with them. My best friend and I have had a drinking relationship since we've known each other for our entire adult lives, when we're together there is always alcohol involved. That said I trust the integrity of our friendship that although he may get annoyed that I don't drink with him, I doubt he will avoid hanging out or doing the social gatherings with me, not for that reason anyway. I'm sure the same can be said for most of my friends. Anybody who does have an issue with my abstinence from drinking can go fly a kite, I won't miss that sort of falseness.

16.) They begin to understand that alcoholism is in large part an environmental disorder, meaning that it is just as easy to not drink once a reasoned change has been made to their environment, who they spend time with, who they work with, and what they do in their free time.

• Yes true, this comes down to triggers. In my case there are many environmental triggers. Mostly limited to the days of the week - Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday! One saving situation is if I'm running the next morning then I didn't drink. That's a personal rule, there are few things worse than running a race with a hangover! It's enough to keep me out the bottle the night before!

17.) Alcohol is the least fulfilling and least interesting buzz available, when compared to many other mind-altering and mind-expanding substances people take to alter consciousness.

• In my younger years I tried a number of other drugs, especially the 8 years I lived in London. Ecstasy was a favourite when we went clubbing, but it was never an addiction. I also did cocaine a few times, which actually did nothing for me. Magic mushrooms were awesome in the right place with awesome music. And marijuana I've smoked my entire adult life, a lot in my early twenties and gradually less over the years, these days if it's once a year it's a lot. But that was also not an addiction, just a stupid social "fun" thing to do. All of the above always gave a much greater mental vibe and fun times than drinking alcohol ever did. Even dope with it's "stupid" effect has always been preferred to booze, but being illegal is not practical. Of course I don't smoke cigarettes anymore either so weed also kinda died with that. I hate being drunk, I hate being out of control and incoherent and always making a fool of myself and feeling shit from hangovers or guilt, etc. I truly hate being drunk, and sitting here writing all this clever stuff it still makes no sense how or why I have been completely hooked on alcohol for so long! I hate it!

18.) They find it easier to make healthier choices in general, choosing better foods, drinking more water, taking more exercise, and purposefully sleeping better.

• Not just choosing better foods, but regular foods just taste so much better now that my sense of taste is no longer numb all the time! My running is improving as my energy levels improve. Generally I am feeling stronger, healthier and enjoying living more!

19.) They find that not drinking allows them to experience a greater level of spiritual awareness and consciousness in their everyday lives.

• Part of the reason I'm not a fan of the AA model is the spiritual perspective. So this point is a non-issue for me. I am Christian, and for many years  have prayed for salvation from God from this horrid darkness of alcoholism and my prayers have been ignored. Now I'm doing it myself.

20.) They find that a return to drinking alcohol is often immediately gratifying with one or two drinks, but that shortly after consuming even a small amount of alcohol they feel crappy, lethargic, spaced out, dizzy and off.

• I have not yet reached this point of returning to alcohol. That time will come, not before my 100 days are up, and at the time I'll deal with how I'm going to deal with it, but I intend to be smart and in control and NOT allow the alcohol to take over my inhibitions and ruin all my progress to becoming a non-alcoholic! Any insatiable urges to drink more to get drunk after the first drink and the next 100 days AF starts immediately!

Again, these points are all personal experiences regarding the points mentioned above.