The fires of hell

So today has just turned out to be one of those fucken shit days that I no longer want to be a part of! It is unfortunately Friday, a day we should all celebrate just because it's Friday, the start of the weekend, baby! 

Baby my hairy arse!

Firstly I'm going through a not-so-nice depro session because of my finances and where my life has taken me, and is heading, career wise! I've got ambitions, and great ideas, but I feel like I'm stuck in a deep hole with my hands tied! The light at the top of the tunnell is a long way off! 

I'm so broke at the moment the proverbial doormouse is laughing at me! Not even 10 bucks to rub together! It's just been one of those really bad months that comes along every once in a while (like nearly every month these days!) I expected the annual pay rise at work to come through, but it didn't because of an admin error, specifically they "didn't know what rate to raise my salary by" so they just fucking didn't! Plus the extra I had to put aside for Tammy's school fees that needed to be paid up front for the year! So of course, after the bond, etc came off I was left with sweet fuckall!

To top it off I tried to get an overdraft from the bank, just to get through the month, which was declined BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH OF A CREDIT RATING! NOT A BAD CREDIT SCORE, JUST NOT ENOUGH OF ONE!!!! Mutherfuckers! Who do they think they are deciding how to fuck up my life because their computer says so! But I've already been into detail about that!

But then... my wife managed to get an overdraft without question, because she HAS a credit rating because until last year we had the joint account, which was in her name... do the math! It sucks dogs bollox the way I was silently screwed because of that otherwise convenient set-up!

Now, she has money, I haven't got a clue how much? For some reason it's a fucking secret, despite the fact that MY bank account is perused at convenience! As I have no money left I have to ask for cash for anything, and I feel like a fucking toss having to ask for money for smokes! Even worse I haven't had a drink in a week as a result, which being an alcoholic is not necessary a bad thing, but it's by force, not choice, and at a time when I could really fucking do with a strong drink! And I dare not even ask for cash for that - I like my head on my shoulders! So of course the withdrawals is fuelling my deepening depression and bitterness at the unfairness of life!

Booo fucking hooo!

I've been feeling bad all week because I want to get my best mate over for a braai tomorrow, just a cheap affair with a bottle of brandy, because he's just returned from Brazil after 3 months and we've got catching up to do! 2 days ago wife said no, outright, we can do it NEXT weekend rather! How cool is that! It's not!  It feels shit to be dictated to like that, as an educated adult, because I am not the one with the money because I have spent all mine on my family! So this morning I said fuckit - Marius is coming over tomorrow. I'll use a credit card and pay it back next week. So now there's bad vibes again, my foul mood not helping of course, and yet again my conscience is clawing at me like a rabid lion inside my head. It feels shit, I feel bad. Yet am I so wrong???

I feel guilty for fighting with Liezel again, especially as it's over money. But I'm stubborn, and I feel fucked over, so the blood is still boiling! 

I'm also in the shit with the missus because apparently I was flirting with somebody, which I wasn't! I openly gave somebody a compliment, that somebody happened to be a girl! I suppose I'll get this one in the neck on the drive home today too! Can't fucking wait to have to splutter out a defence for this one! II'll never cheat on my wife and jeapordise my family for such a selfish act, but you can bet I'll still be found guilty!

Of course the daily traffic nightmare just raises my anger levels above a healthy level, but that's nobody's fault so I just gotta deal with it! Fair enough. It's hell, but there's no way out of that if I'm to continue being employed! 

Then to add insult to injury my boss & I had an argument over something silly, something I was accused of doing which I didn't do, something that wasn't even a problem. Basically my original titleblock that I designed had an automated date field, which updated with a double click. The new titleblock that was designed (by her) didn't have that feature because it wasn't understood. Now I was working on a drawing that had the auto-date field in it and I got kakked out that it was there. OTT because I didn't put it there firstly, and secondly it works as it should - you need to TELL it to update, saves time in typing in the date each time! But no apparently the problem is it does it automatically and that causes problems for my colleague! BUT, it doesn't work that way, and I proved it! It doesn't auto update the date just on opening the file!

So now there's bad vibes here in the office, which is uncomfortable, but what fucks me off even more is the fact that if I am wrong about something I have no shame in admitting it! But if I'm right for fuck sakes have the decency to admit it! I'm not gonna gloat, it's not an issue, but the shit I got was unnecessary! 

I'm not a fucking kid and I'm sick of being treated like one from all directions in my life!

To add insult to injury I'm really jealous of just about everybody I know going to the U2 concert tonight! I'd love to be going, but seeing as I'm not I hope it pisses with rain and the wind blows your socks off!

Ok admittedly I feel better now, that was a decent rant! It doesn't solve my problems, but it helps me feel a little less sorry for my miserable ass!

Oh, and I expect I'm probably gonna get into shit for witing this blog too! No problem, I like sleeping on the couch anyway! I get the TV!