Alternatives to Alcoholics Anonymous

This post goes back to my long time problem of alcoholism. I've always been open about it, it's no secret I drink more than I should, and I've been on the market for a "cure" for quite some time now. But that's the problem, I know it's a bad thing and doing me a lot of harm, and I really do want to give up the bottle. In fact the idea of life without being drunk actually excites me. But on the other side there is a very convincing part of my mind that likes drinking, and getting drunk, despite the idiotic logic of that knowing that I'm like any other drunk - an idiot!

The thing is, I gave up smoking 9 months ago by changing my whole mentality about smoking (thanks to the Allen Carr clinic), and with some will power and the correct reasoning I was strong enough to kick the habit and I'm happier for it! Why can't I do it with drinking? The answer is I need help and support, and I have no idea where to get that. By support I don't mean lectures and threats from my family; it needs to be a positive, encouraging thing with some sort of psychological incentives! See I know all this, even just about have the answers, but I don't know how to go it alone.

By now you're shouting "AA, AA, go to AA...", well I tried that years ago. I went to the Table View group on two occasions and I felt wrong being there, I felt like an outcast slipping into a group of old established friends. It was awkward and somewhat frightening, it was a big step for me, and I didn't feel comfortable being there. Saying that, I did stand up when my turn came around the circle and introduced myself (though not as an alcoholic, that just felt weird), I din't know what to say! I put my name on the list and was promised a call, and a welcome pack. Neither materlialised, and I suppose I just felt a combination of being too shy, and unimportant, to go back. A month later after slogging it out on my own with much determination I was back on the bottle, with much relief.

Having said that, I was not against the whole AA thing completely, mainly because I didn't understand it and I don't know of any other alternatives other than expensive rehab programmes, which are not an option for me because of the huge expense of money and time; and I'm not sure if I believe in the AA method, in that it is based on relying on a "higher power". In other words the belief that God will help me stop drinking.

Now I am a Christian, a born again one from many years ago. I do believe in God, the bible, etc, I am a religious person, and that is a personal thing to me. But I don't see how that will solve my drinking problem, I don't believe it will. I need a more practical solution.

My question is this: is the AA and it's methods of handing my alcohol problem over to God the only "affordable" solution to alcoholism, the only way I will be able to get the support I need to fight the disease? Or do I need to support somebody's expensive rehab business to save my own life and the well-being and future of my family?

Somehow I don't think it is, but what else is there because I can't find it! Googling shows me there are other types of support groups, mostly in the USA, but nothing here in Cape Town.

I am considering giving the AA another chance in the future. I have downloaded hundreds of podcasts of AA speakers, lectures and testimonials, which I have been spending hours listening to while doing my job, and they are somewhat encouraging listening to other people's stories, some are inspirational, some are funny, some are outright dull and sensationalist. But I'm not judging, I'm trying to see the positives of the program. But always it comes back to these people being saved by their "higher power".

Of course there's the 12 steps too, which is all very confusing to me, apart from the fact it is also very much of a lesson in spirituality of the faith kind, not the bottled kind!

So what to do? Who do I speak to? Where do I go? I don't want to want alcohol in my life anymore, I want to be in control of this beast, and ultimately take back control of my own life!

Despite all the public campaigns about alcohol and it's problems, and all the hoo haa and bloated opinions and everybody having the answers, this place where I'm at is a very lonely place because I am alone with my problem and I don't want to be alone anymore.

Maybe I need to stop being so skeptical, maybe I should just try the AA again and go with the flow and see how it goes, despite feeling like I don't fit in there and not believing in the program before even starting it. Or maybe I should just keep quiet and once again try to distract myself with other activities like exercise, photography, etc, and hope it lasts longer than the last time.

I don't know!

This is my thoughts... and right now I'm looking forward to a drink tonight again! My logic being - if I'm hungover tomorrow I won't drink tomorrow night, which will mean Saturday will be productive. But then Saturday night I'll probably drink again, rendering Sunday another complete waste of a day lumping out on the couch and getting nothing done, and God knows I have a lot to do! But at least half the weekend was productive... this is how my mind justifies the drink...