Delicious spaghetti bolognaise in a can, true story!

You guessed it, lunch today was a cheap R8 can of Koo spaghetti bolognaise, and it was surprisingly enjoyable, it actually had quite a nice flavour! Yes I know it doesn't contain real meat, rather some soya mutation, and it's full of artificial preservatives, anti-oxidants, colourants, and other life-threatening man made chemicals that are probably dissolving whats left of my pickled guts as I write this. You need to understand that I'm on a tight budget lately and I need to keep lunch-at-work costs down, so I buy this crap every now and then, and this crap actually tasted quite nice, on a bed of 2 week old toast (it's fine, it's been in the fridge) with a dollop of mayo on top! Usually these meals in a tin are quite gross, even for me, and believe me I'm quite brave when it comes to food, I'm not a squeamish pussy like the rest of you, I'll eat just about anything and in pretty impressive portion sizes too, in fact the bigger the better! Except brinjal (or eggplant, or whatever you call that revolting troll turd, I don't care, I won't touch it).

Anyway, my belly is full and I'm uncomfortably stuffed like a Christmas turkey!

But now comes the part where I start feeling guilty about my weight and my health, because since I last composed a decent blog I have admittedly gotten lazy and unhealthy and embarrassingly a few kilo's heavier! Which is sad really since last year and for a couple of weeks a few months ago I was doing so well with the health drive! I think my gym has forgotten I exist, I think I've forgotten where the gym is!

"But hey, keep scoffing down cheap cans of poisonous artificial food substitutes and see where that gets you, you fat lazy, scruffy, unshaven bag of pickled lard; shameful embarrassment to the gloriously handsome specimen you once were!" says my conscience, the red one with the pitchfork on my left shoulder that talkssss in parsssseltongue. The other one on my right shoulder, the sweet sexy one with the halo and wings disappeared a while ago, I think I sat on her one drunken Friday night!

Moral of the story... once again in my confused existence I think it's time to:

1. Start eating healthier again: smaller portions, more rabbit food, less carrion, and a good balance!
2. Hit the gym again, especially squash, if I can just avoid crashing through the floor boards!
3. Try cut back on the drinking sessions! I still have the problem that once I start my mission is to get plastered (as some of you who're on Facebook on Friday nights will know!), but if I can just cut back the frequency of those sessions will be a good start!
4. Smoke less! I'd actually love to quit outright, I just don't have the willpower or backing for it right now! But, drinking less will mean smoking less. If, and it's a big if - the time comes that I actually manage to give up the bottle, I know that giving up smoking will be easy! Hopefully that will happen, I know I'll be happier for it!
5. Get some vitamin supplements.
6. Get out into nature more, like hiking! That would be great fun actually, I get excited at the thought. Problem is I'm normally too hungover on weekends to consider it!
7. Most importantly - have more sex! It would be nice if my wife could ablige this one, it would be to her own benefit too!

So you see, I'm setting myself quite the challenge here which, while it's quite easy banging out the words on the keyboard with fuzzy imaginations of how it could be to be fit, healthy and reasonably attractive again, with my lack of willpower in this dull monotonous existence I've railroaded myself into it's not going to be easy motivating my sorry (and rather large) ass into motion to veer off these downward spiralling tracks of self destruction and back up towards a more comfortable life and potentially a prolonged existence! Problem is getting this all kick started, and sticking to it!

Well, it works in theory.!

What I need is motivation, if you're reading this... any support will be much appreciated! Maybe there are clubs or groups or places out there for people like me! (Just don't anybody fucking suggest AA, that's a load of fake bullshit and I'll swear at you!)

All this from a can of dog-food-like spaghetti bolognaise that tasted slightly better than stale shit for a change!

I had loads of other more interesting stuff to talk about and here I'm feeling all useless and sorry for myself again! How embarassing! Realistically, the list above is not going to just happen, much as I'd really love it to, it's just not because those things (eating, smoking, drinking) are pleasures in my life these days; besides my wife and child everything else is truly just a monotonous drag, the lack of money to do anything enjoyable besides drink is like a soundproof cage!! Maybe I'll try one point at a time, but certainly not all at once! Except the sex, that's just got to happen more often, that's task no. 1, and it's free, sometimes (depending on how much shit I'm in!)

The next blog will be more up-tempo and happy, and it will be soon! Promise!