Last day as a smoker

That last day would be today, and quite honestly I have mixed feelings about it! In around 25 hours time I will be smoking my last cigarette, if all goes to plan with this Allen Carr thing tomorrow. I'm not quite sure what exactly to expect with this 6 hour clinic that is supposed to change my psychological and mental outlook on smoking and why I smoke and the need to smoke, etc. Quite frankly I think I'm going to be a tough customer because right now I like smoking and I enjoy my cigarettes, in some situations more than others. The regular habits and connections that work for me with a cigarette are going to be tough to break, eg a smoke makes a beer more enjoyable, smoking is a good excuse to take a break in the office when there is no other reason to leave my desk, unless I take up throning a long relaxing dump 4 times a day with maybe a wank or two while I'm there to make the trip interesting. That's unlikely to happen because with my healthy eating I hardly need to go these days anyway!

Bullshit aside, breaking the mental connections to certain regular habits in my life is going to be very difficult for me, the psychological addiction to smoking and the physical addiction to nicotine go together like Siamese twins, inseparable and hard to ignore! Today I have had 6 cigarettes already and consciously enjoyed every one of them as I think about the fact that soon I will be without that little pleasure and comfort and excuse to take a walk outside soon, despite the fact that I know that every cigarette costs me R1.50 and countless useful living cells in various vital parts of my body, those issues are outweighed by the stubborn perception of enjoyment of that disgusting little stick of poison!

Anyway, I'm going to this clinic willingly, of my own choice and at my own expense. Nobody forced me or convinced me, it was my decision and I will go in there with an open mind and a positive attitude with a desire to quit and the will power to at least give it my best shot. Hopefully the session is not too obviously gimmicky and cheesy because I don't fall easily for Americanised style marketing pitches or church sermons, that will just bore the crap out of me. If it's realistic and relevant and interactive I'll take it more seriously.

Besides, it's no secret that I'm doing this, because it's not in my nature to be secretive about my life-changing endeavours, as you well know. My life is publicised on Facebook and this blog, and so is my big ambitious plan to quit smoking tomorrow, so I'm just going to make a complete ass of myself as a failure if I do this thing and it flops. That said, I believe it can happen, just like I managed to lose all the weight in the time that I did through dogged determination and I took up running and actually enjoy running and the results it's giving me when not long ago I hated running with every excuse in the book. Yes I am under no illusion that of all my recent drastically dramatic lifestyle changes, this chapter, giving up the fag, is by far going to be the toughest part!

So, my dear readers, besides the usual babbling about my weight and my drinking problems and the running and all the other regular crap I waffle on about you are now soon to be obliged to listen to me bitching about life without the cigarette, and it's not always going to be pretty! There are going to be times in the coming weeks that I will be grumpy as an elephant with sore nuts, and at times my temper will be so short fused that I can't even predict the consequences; so for the miserable bitch that I'm sure to become, however temporary, I apologise in advance, especially to my wife and child who will no doubt bear the brunt of my frustrations. So I just hope they have the strength and faith to stick it out and bear with me because it will be better for all of us in the long run!

This then ends my final blog as a smoker, when you read this page again things will be quite different, hopefully for the better!

On another matter, tonight is that pub run, I have to say I'm thoroughly looking forward to the experience! My day at work today is incredibly dull and boring, I'm losing my sanity so this evenings event will really inject some excitement into my life. At least I get to enjoy my final cigarettes with a few beers!

Oh, and I nearly forgot, I have something serious to bitch about! Since my run up Chapmans Peak on Sunday I have been regularly checking the relevant websites and Facebook pages for the much advertised "free" photographs taken at the event. I know there were pictures taken of me because I ran past a few photographers and even gestured to them with smiles and hands raised as I heard their shutters firing aimed at me! This morning the main gallery of 877 photo's (excluding hundreds of others on Facebook) was released, I was not in a single fucken photo, not even in the background somewhere! Oakpics.com were the photographers, and they got loads of great photo's especially of the ladies and the 21km runners, some people featuring in many shots. I was not in one single photo, and I'm seriously fucked off about this because it was my first ever run, I was enthusiastic and excited about the run and I worked my ass off up there and ensured I was running comfortably past the photogs so I could show off afterwards with some kind of graphical momento of the occasion. There are more photo's than there were runners, so I don't know how they fucked that up and missed the one person more chomped to see the photo's than anybody else, judging by the small number of "likes" on their FB page. I'll probably get over this, but I feel disappointed and hard done by.

But hey, shit happens, boo fucking hoo. Oh well!