Yo

And so it goes, I have to go to bed unceremoniously, quietly, because life sucks that way! I mutherfucking hate this way of life.

I just heard a gunshot outside, heard a bottle smash, or what sounded like it. (quickly closed windows and curtains) scared like a poes.

Did I mention I hate this couped up shit?

I don't want to be here anymore.

10 years!

That's 10 years married to my beautiful wife Liezel! Almost, in 2 hours time...

I'd love to tell you what an amazingly awesome perfect 10 years it's been,

The letter

The following transcript is my response to an email I got from a friend this morning who was responding to my previous post. I won't post his email for privacy reasons, but as my response was so long-winded and detailed I figured I may as well follow on from yesterday's post with this instead of writing a whole long new one! He was encouraging me to have some belief in Christian faith based recovery programs like the AA, talking from some personal experiences.

Here goes my response:

"Hi Mate

Thanks for the email.

The drinking is something I've had a problem with for quite some time now and it is something I know I need to break away from soon. It's not that I don't believe in the faith based programmes, I'm just skeptical of how exactly it works. Fortunately I am already a Christian and have been all my life, during my late teens and early twenties I was actually quite involved in church and religious activities. But I also do feel that God has deserted me during some difficult times in my life though I'm sure He had his reasons. I don't mean to sound blasphemous, nor am I resentful, it's just how I feel.

Anyway, why I question the AA faith based method is this: what about people who are not Christians, non believers in any religion or atheists, and there are a lot of people like that, more and more all the time. Is there just no hope for them, besides expensive rehab programmes? It just sounds like a very discriminatory system dependent on turning people to believe in God to take their problems away instead of some kind of practical and even psychological course of action.

When I quit smoking I had the desire to quit, same as I have the desire to quit the drinking. But with the smoking somebody recommended the Allen Carr clinics ( http://www.allencarr.co.za/ ). As a discovery vitality member I qualified to do the workshop for a subsidized mere R350 instead of the usual R2300. I went in as a smoker, and I enjoyed my smoking but knew it was not helping my drive to get fit at the time, and I went in there being very skeptical because I find the usual americanised sermon type make-you-feel-good sessions to be quite comical, I was serious but not serious about the method that I expected, if you get my point. Anyway, the workshop, a half day thing, didn't harp on religion, or the reasons why smoking is bad eg health risks, etc, instead it works on the reasons why we DO smoke from various angles and it changed my whole psychological perception and reasoning to smoking. Throughout the session we smoked, in that 6 hours I smoked more than I normally did in that time frame. But just before the end we had our last smoke break of the day, where I stood alone under a tree and smoked my last cigarette, so emotional I cried like a baby. But that was it, I walked out of there as a non-smoker with invigorated excitement for a new life and felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders and a cloud in front of me had cleared (and I don't mean the cigarette smoke). Yes it was difficult for the first few weeks because the physical addiction fought hard, but I knew what to expect and understood that 95% of the cravings were psychological and I knew how to fight back until the physical addiction monster eventually died and I was free of the curse.

What I don't get is why isn't there something like that for drinking? The same system won't work because the addiction is different, it grips differently and has different effects and consequences, but surely there must be some sort of psychological bomb and reasoning that can change us in one swoop, without having to commit to a lifetime of twice-weekly AA meetings with a bunch of sad people with sad stories all preaching the gospel to each other for the strength to carry on with their lives; or having to spend thousands of bucks and weeks of time one generally does not have to go to some fancy rehab clinic, isolated from family and freedom. Ok I realise the AA is a generalization but that's the impression I get about AA, albeit the AA speaker tapes podcasts I've been listening to are more like stand-up comedies with moral life lessons, all Americans talking in front of large auditoriums full of American audiences. Like I said before, I find it hard to take those overly positive and comical sermons seriously!

Maybe the problem is I'm looking for a quick fix for something that can't be fixed quickly because the current available methods are not for me. This is why in my blog I said it's a lonely place, because I need and want the help but it is simply non-existent, which baffles me in a society so controlled and corroded by alcoholism.

Basically - impoverished non-believers don't have a hope unless they go it alone and fight it alone, and that's how I'm feeling, and I AM a believer, just not convinced my faith can break me away from something that is in such control of my life, and admittedly, something I enjoy in some twisted way. I generally do like drinking, I love socializing with alcohol, but I hate being drunk, yet when I start drinking I go all out until I am legless and an incoherent fool.

Of course the issue of my family walking out is always a constant concern, it is a fear that if happened I would be one sorry ass waste of space. Yet somehow that first drink always gets the better of my common sense, justified by the fact that I'm generally a "fun" drunk. I get talkative and sociable and never violent or aggressive, and it's usually after bed time so my daughter seldom sees it.

But anyway, batting this all out in writing helps make a better understanding in my own head. Sometime, somehow, I'll figure out a solution. Hopefully before it's too late!"

Alternatives to Alcoholics Anonymous

This post goes back to my long time problem of alcoholism. I've always been open about it, it's no secret I drink more than I should, and I've been on the market for a "cure" for quite some time now. But that's the problem, I know it's a bad thing and doing me a lot of harm, and I really do want to give up the bottle. In fact the idea of life without being drunk actually excites me. But on the other side there is a very convincing part of my mind that likes drinking, and getting drunk, despite the idiotic logic of that knowing that I'm like any other drunk - an idiot!

The thing is, I gave up smoking 9 months ago by changing my whole mentality about smoking (thanks to the Allen Carr clinic), and with some will power and the correct reasoning I was strong enough to kick the habit and I'm happier for it! Why can't I do it with drinking? The answer is I need help and support, and I have no idea where to get that. By support I don't mean lectures and threats from my family; it needs to be a positive, encouraging thing with some sort of psychological incentives! See I know all this, even just about have the answers, but I don't know how to go it alone.

By now you're shouting "AA, AA, go to AA...", well I tried that years ago. I went to the Table View group on two occasions and I felt wrong being there, I felt like an outcast slipping into a group of old established friends. It was awkward and somewhat frightening, it was a big step for me, and I didn't feel comfortable being there. Saying that, I did stand up when my turn came around the circle and introduced myself (though not as an alcoholic, that just felt weird), I din't know what to say! I put my name on the list and was promised a call, and a welcome pack. Neither materlialised, and I suppose I just felt a combination of being too shy, and unimportant, to go back. A month later after slogging it out on my own with much determination I was back on the bottle, with much relief.

Having said that, I was not against the whole AA thing completely, mainly because I didn't understand it and I don't know of any other alternatives other than expensive rehab programmes, which are not an option for me because of the huge expense of money and time; and I'm not sure if I believe in the AA method, in that it is based on relying on a "higher power". In other words the belief that God will help me stop drinking.

Now I am a Christian, a born again one from many years ago. I do believe in God, the bible, etc, I am a religious person, and that is a personal thing to me. But I don't see how that will solve my drinking problem, I don't believe it will. I need a more practical solution.

My question is this: is the AA and it's methods of handing my alcohol problem over to God the only "affordable" solution to alcoholism, the only way I will be able to get the support I need to fight the disease? Or do I need to support somebody's expensive rehab business to save my own life and the well-being and future of my family?

Somehow I don't think it is, but what else is there because I can't find it! Googling shows me there are other types of support groups, mostly in the USA, but nothing here in Cape Town.

I am considering giving the AA another chance in the future. I have downloaded hundreds of podcasts of AA speakers, lectures and testimonials, which I have been spending hours listening to while doing my job, and they are somewhat encouraging listening to other people's stories, some are inspirational, some are funny, some are outright dull and sensationalist. But I'm not judging, I'm trying to see the positives of the program. But always it comes back to these people being saved by their "higher power".

Of course there's the 12 steps too, which is all very confusing to me, apart from the fact it is also very much of a lesson in spirituality of the faith kind, not the bottled kind!

So what to do? Who do I speak to? Where do I go? I don't want to want alcohol in my life anymore, I want to be in control of this beast, and ultimately take back control of my own life!

Despite all the public campaigns about alcohol and it's problems, and all the hoo haa and bloated opinions and everybody having the answers, this place where I'm at is a very lonely place because I am alone with my problem and I don't want to be alone anymore.

Maybe I need to stop being so skeptical, maybe I should just try the AA again and go with the flow and see how it goes, despite feeling like I don't fit in there and not believing in the program before even starting it. Or maybe I should just keep quiet and once again try to distract myself with other activities like exercise, photography, etc, and hope it lasts longer than the last time.

I don't know!

This is my thoughts... and right now I'm looking forward to a drink tonight again! My logic being - if I'm hungover tomorrow I won't drink tomorrow night, which will mean Saturday will be productive. But then Saturday night I'll probably drink again, rendering Sunday another complete waste of a day lumping out on the couch and getting nothing done, and God knows I have a lot to do! But at least half the weekend was productive... this is how my mind justifies the drink...

Long overdue update!

Hello to whoever reads this!

I know it's been a very long time since my last post on this blog. Admittedly it's good to be back! For a while this blog was my best buddy, I can say what I like and it doesn't disagree or kak me out yet the sharing of ideas is often inspirational, makes rational sense, and contributes to constructive reasoning in my own mind! Maybe we, I mean I, should be schizophrenic! Nothing like a bit of hearty internal debate - we could talk ourselves into doing some good with our life and discuss great ideas, gossip about the twats and losers that surround us, plot to take over the world, etc, and nobody even need know why we're laughing!

Insane, more likely!

It's actually better this way - stick to yourself, mind your own business, and don't get involved! Don't ever get involved, especially when it comes to family politics! I won't get my arse burned with that again!

Well the last few months I've been very busy with other endeavors, mostly building my photography business and doing all things related, trying to create some sort of a professional career out of taking pictures. See my website for progress: www.jdk-photography.co.za. It's a very time consuming business, a lot to do and a lot to learn! Being a photographer is more than taking pretty pictures and slapping them on Facebook, in that sense everybody is a photographer these days! There is a technical aspect to learn to be better than the next guy, and of course one needs to actually run a business to make a profit, and that takes time and effort and financial resources, a notorious schlep for the creative person! The website also has a blog, though it's more of a professional thing to showcase my work and discuss all things photographic, mainly as a means to be more interactive with people and not a platform to bitch about my life and my problems, which is what this blog is for. I mean, I'd hate for potential clients to get the impression I think the world owes me a favour, like my cousin Luigi, whom I have absolutely nothing to do with, seems to think. But I'm not interested in the arrogant opinions, life's too short and precious to be bothered with that sort of trivial crap!

Anyway, as a follow on from the last post, I have still not broken on the smoking thing, I've proudly not had a cigarette since 5 December last year, almost 9 months now, and perfectly happy without it. As for the health and fitness thing, that went out the window and stayed out in the cold for the winter. After all the weight lost and fitness gained I got lazy and packed on a few kilo's again in the last few months. It is just not fun running in the cold, wet darkness of winter (that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!) But fear not dear fans, spring is around the corner and time has come to get back on that wagon, get the running shoes back on, and lose the winter flubber coat to expose the goodness within. Of course with the addition of a half decent privately acquired tan too! The added bonus is Virgin Active is building a massive new gym 5 minutes walk from my house! So no more excuse of having to navigate the traffic and Nigerians of Parklands & Table View to get the 20 minute drive to the gym. I can even go in the mornings now, when the place is built, and be back home by 6am to make breakfast, iron school uniforms, pack lunches, and get myself ready in time to pack the family off to school and work! What an awesome start to the day that will be!

In fact the thought of getting fit and handsome again is quite exciting. Though getting the fat ass back to the gym is going to take some determination! It always does when I've been out for action for a while!

The only problem is that healthy eating has become impossibly expensive so the incredible diet we went on last year will not happen quite the same! The cost of the ingredients for lunch salads, breakfast smoothies, fresh vegetables and healthy food options has become so expensive I cannot afford it, diets are for rich people. So a balance of the healthiest affordable foods in between sandwiches, pastas & potatoes and a regular exercise plan is going to have to suffice!

I'll do my best to pop in the occasional update to this blog as time goes by, it won't be another 8 months before the next entry appears! There is in fact a topic I would like to discuss, which I'll do in the next post, which centers around alcohol and my issues with it! Same old story, same old struggle, so don't bother reading it if you intend to bloat your own ego at the expense of my weakness.

The running man

This picture was taken by the official photographers at last weekends Lourensford 10km trail run. Cost me bloody 50 bucks to buy it off their website, but it's ok this time as it's the first proper photo of me running a real live race with a number on my shirt and all! I think it's a very cool photo, the scenery in the background says a lot about the place, which was stunning!

BTW, the smoking cravings have eased off slightly today! I still have my moments in the office where the boredom gets the better of me and I'd usually go out for a brain-break smoke which takes a bit of frustrated will-power to soldier on and ignore the craving. If I sneak off to the kitchen for a few mouthfuls of my lunch salad or suck down a glass of water helps. But anyway, it is improving and I'm sure I'll be over it by the end of the year, especially after my 9 day year end holiday which should be much easier to bear than at work because I have less triggers at home to smoke than at work.

I still get strong cravings when I'm driving too, or when leaving the gym in the evenings, or when the wife winds me up is when I ache for a smoke the most! Other than those few old habitual reasons I used to have a smoke the want for a niconine fix is slowly abating. Yesterday was definitely the worst day so far!

Tomorrow is a week since I quit, much to many people's disbelief I have stuck it out this far without even a sniff of cigarette smoke. Well the carrion-scavenging skeptics can keep on watching eagerly for this to fail and break down to the curse of the cigarette... well keep watching until you wither away because I'm stronger than that and I won't give in!

Ha ha ha ha haaaaaaa!!!

5 days of a frustrated ex-smoker

Right now exactly 5 days ago at 13h20 I killed my last smoke, as you may have read so dramatically in my last post, so I have now been a non-smoker for 5 days and for now it has become really difficult, especially at work. During a normal working day I used to take frequent smoke breaks, not just for the sake of smoking but also as a break from my mind-numbingly boring work and to stretch my legs and get my blood moving, and some feeling back in my arse which goes quite numb after a few hours sitting on it! The smoke breaks broke the boredom and gave my brain a much needed break.

So the last two days at work have been particularly frustrating because I have been craving quite severely! I understand that theoretically it's that physical nicotine addiction, or the "monster" in my belly, starving for a fix and going crazy with hunger so it's ripping at my mind trying everything to convince me to have a smoke, making me think about it constantly and working hard at forcing my sub conscience to instinctively send me outside to find a cigarette!

The cravings are frustrating, and highly annoying, making me irritable and restless and at times ridiculously short tempered.

But I know it's just that starving nicotine monster getting insanely desperate, as would any creature desperately hungry and delusional with the aggressive need to survive!

The first day or two it was like the proverbial itch that just needed a scratch. It's way beyond that now, I can almost feel the claws and teeth ripping away at my insides as the beast within thrashes around in desperation to get fed, to be sated and soothed with a cigarette and a good calming dose of nicotine! I know that would be the easy relief to this frustration, and in a way it would be nice, a blissful relief!

But that's just the psychological perception and not any kind of physical reality, and all it would serve to do would be to start the problem all over again and revive the need to constantly desire a cigarette to keep the beast fed with every reason and excuse in the book as to why I "need" the next cigarette, while in essence those cigarettes do absolutely nothing for me, other than to continue ruining my life, both physically, mentally and socially!

No no no, I will not go back to smoking not even one little harmless looking cigarette, I will not succumb to temptation. After all, it only took that first drag of that first cigarette 18 years ago to get me hooked on a lifetime of nicotine addiction, an unwitting slave, unknowingly allowing those harmless looking little cigarettes to control my life and personality, and dictate the person I would be for 18 years!

I have also realised that smoking has gradually and progressively fuelled my alcohol addiction without my realising, like an evil little motivator! Sounds strange to come up with something seemingly so absurd, but I'm quite sure of it! The urge to drink is not as strong without the prospect of having the cigarette involved. The two clearly go hand in hand, like destructive, soul-destroying, conniving, anti-social partners in crime breaking me down and overcoming my sense of reality and responsibility. But like bullies on the playground, strong and arrogant in numbers, but weak and cowardly if caught on their own, so now I'm thinking the pull of the alcohol will be a lot weaker without the added muscle of it's ally, the little Peter Stuyvesant.

But in the meantime I will continue to fight this urge to smoke until it goes away, which I'm sure will be soon. I don't need the cigarette, and that Allen Carr session last week taught me to think about why I don't need, or want a smoke, and why that little green beast will try make me think and even feel otherwise! Earlier when I was really getting irritable I took a walk, much to the amusement of my colleagues, out into the fresh air and around a huge university residential complex for 15 minutes, and that really helped to ease the craving!

By Friday, after 7 days, the nicotine addiction should be dying significantly, and in 2 weeks after that should be completely dead and gone. I just need to be strong and stick it out until then to be home free! at the moment it's peaking, I can feel it, it will get easier soon!

My only concern is I have not lost (or gained) any weight since I quit smoking. I do find I've been eating a little more, though not anything unhealthy or in large quantities, and I'm still exercising furiously. So that's a bit disheartening as my weight should still be going down, and I've disappointingly realised I won't reach my weight target by Christmas. The consolation is that in January when the year end functions have died down and I'm too broke to have too many unhealthy "treats" I'll catch up, but in the meantime I've scored a great victory in my battle to get healthy in that I successfully quit smoking, before I'd intended to even try!

My first blog as a non-smoker

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Today, 2 December 2011, at exactly 13h20, I extinguished my very last cigarette!

I am now a non-smoker, and I'm very happy to be!

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This morning I attended the Allan Carr clinic from 8am to 2.30pm, I went in as a smoker, sceptical about whether the session would work, and I left as a non-smoker confident that I will never smoke again for as long as I live, which is surely to be even longer now than it would have been had I carried on smoking!

The clinic was excellent, Dr. Charles Nel the 'therapist' is fantastic. I was sure to be a tough nut to crack, yet Charles and the programme cracked me and not only convinced me to quit the smoke for good, but made it easy to do so by successfully changing my psychological and mental attitude to smoking. I won't go into detail about exactly how, but it's a great system that really works!

I have a week or two to deal with the actual addiction to the nicotine, which should be fairly easy to manage with the way I'll be thinking about it, after that I will never again in any way be a slave to that disgusting little life destroying drug that has been in control of me for the last 18 years of my existence! Never again will I be tempted to go back into that addiction, that monster that grabs hold of you and takes over your mind, body and personality!

No, never again, my days of smoking are history, and I am happy to know that I will never smoke again because I don't need to, nor do I want to.

One thing that today taught me is that by giving up the smoking I am not actually losing anything, but rather I am gaining a lot that the smoking has slowly eroded and taken away from me! To name a few things my health, my nervous system will recover, my brain will get back to reasonably normal functionality, my confidence, my dignity, my stamina, my cash, and my life and well-being in general! And of course no longer I'll have the stigma around me of being the smoker in the group, the outcast, and endure the embarrassment and discomfort of being conscious of the fact that my social time revolves around smoking and the next cigarette!

Throughout the session this morning we took regular smoke breaks as a group. I smoked more this morning than I usually do in that amount of time except when I'm drinking. Until we were sent out to smoke our last cigarettes. It was quite an emotional and sombre moment for me as that last cigarette slowly burned down, then it became a fantastic feeling of elation. Despite the nervousness at the magnitude of what I was doing I was overcome with happiness and excitement at the idea that I would thereafter be a non-smoker. It was like a weight being dumped off my back, like a dark cloud clearing and the sun coming out, a feeling of emotional and psychological freedom!

Of course within 20 minutes I was thinking about having another smoke, but I don't see it as a craving, or a need. I see it as that addiction in the form of a little monster that needs to be fed, that tries to con my brain into thinking I need to feed it a cigarette to get some kind of perceived peace and comfort, but I will not feed that monster or give it the satisfaction of fuelling the addiction. I will starve that evil shit until it dies, and soon I'll be free of the cage of smoke! If that makes any sense at all!

To any smokers out there who are considering quitting, it really is the best thing you can do for yourself! You don't realise how that cigarette controls you and takes away a lot of good things in your life without giving you anything good in return except the perception that it makes you feel good. That's just the addiction which needs to be fed like an itch that needs to be scratched. This Allen Carr thing is really good, I certainly recommend attending the clinic (no I don't get any commission or benefit if you sign up), it really does work, and it does not involve any gimmicks or hypnotherapy or drugs or patches or anything like that. It simply changes the way you think, it treats the main problem, the mental and psychological addiction, more than the physical one. Besides, using gums, patches, zybans, etc simply fuels the nicotine addiction, they don't remove it! You don't treat an alcoholic with alcohol, so why treat a nicotine addict with nicotine?

That's about as much as I will go on about this, except to say that I am genuinely excited about spending the rest of my life without being hooked on smoking, and no longer revolving my life around the next cigarette, and not exposing my wife and my beautiful daughter to my disgusting and dangerous cigarette smoke just because I'm addicted to that toxic rubbish! Most of all I look forward to getting my health back and keeping myself fit and healthy and free of that unnatural poison that I've been destroying myself with for so very long!

Good bye Peter Stuyvesant, you will NOT be missed!

Last day as a smoker

That last day would be today, and quite honestly I have mixed feelings about it! In around 25 hours time I will be smoking my last cigarette, if all goes to plan with this Allen Carr thing tomorrow. I'm not quite sure what exactly to expect with this 6 hour clinic that is supposed to change my psychological and mental outlook on smoking and why I smoke and the need to smoke, etc. Quite frankly I think I'm going to be a tough customer because right now I like smoking and I enjoy my cigarettes, in some situations more than others. The regular habits and connections that work for me with a cigarette are going to be tough to break, eg a smoke makes a beer more enjoyable, smoking is a good excuse to take a break in the office when there is no other reason to leave my desk, unless I take up throning a long relaxing dump 4 times a day with maybe a wank or two while I'm there to make the trip interesting. That's unlikely to happen because with my healthy eating I hardly need to go these days anyway!

Bullshit aside, breaking the mental connections to certain regular habits in my life is going to be very difficult for me, the psychological addiction to smoking and the physical addiction to nicotine go together like Siamese twins, inseparable and hard to ignore! Today I have had 6 cigarettes already and consciously enjoyed every one of them as I think about the fact that soon I will be without that little pleasure and comfort and excuse to take a walk outside soon, despite the fact that I know that every cigarette costs me R1.50 and countless useful living cells in various vital parts of my body, those issues are outweighed by the stubborn perception of enjoyment of that disgusting little stick of poison!

Anyway, I'm going to this clinic willingly, of my own choice and at my own expense. Nobody forced me or convinced me, it was my decision and I will go in there with an open mind and a positive attitude with a desire to quit and the will power to at least give it my best shot. Hopefully the session is not too obviously gimmicky and cheesy because I don't fall easily for Americanised style marketing pitches or church sermons, that will just bore the crap out of me. If it's realistic and relevant and interactive I'll take it more seriously.

Besides, it's no secret that I'm doing this, because it's not in my nature to be secretive about my life-changing endeavours, as you well know. My life is publicised on Facebook and this blog, and so is my big ambitious plan to quit smoking tomorrow, so I'm just going to make a complete ass of myself as a failure if I do this thing and it flops. That said, I believe it can happen, just like I managed to lose all the weight in the time that I did through dogged determination and I took up running and actually enjoy running and the results it's giving me when not long ago I hated running with every excuse in the book. Yes I am under no illusion that of all my recent drastically dramatic lifestyle changes, this chapter, giving up the fag, is by far going to be the toughest part!

So, my dear readers, besides the usual babbling about my weight and my drinking problems and the running and all the other regular crap I waffle on about you are now soon to be obliged to listen to me bitching about life without the cigarette, and it's not always going to be pretty! There are going to be times in the coming weeks that I will be grumpy as an elephant with sore nuts, and at times my temper will be so short fused that I can't even predict the consequences; so for the miserable bitch that I'm sure to become, however temporary, I apologise in advance, especially to my wife and child who will no doubt bear the brunt of my frustrations. So I just hope they have the strength and faith to stick it out and bear with me because it will be better for all of us in the long run!

This then ends my final blog as a smoker, when you read this page again things will be quite different, hopefully for the better!

On another matter, tonight is that pub run, I have to say I'm thoroughly looking forward to the experience! My day at work today is incredibly dull and boring, I'm losing my sanity so this evenings event will really inject some excitement into my life. At least I get to enjoy my final cigarettes with a few beers!

Oh, and I nearly forgot, I have something serious to bitch about! Since my run up Chapmans Peak on Sunday I have been regularly checking the relevant websites and Facebook pages for the much advertised "free" photographs taken at the event. I know there were pictures taken of me because I ran past a few photographers and even gestured to them with smiles and hands raised as I heard their shutters firing aimed at me! This morning the main gallery of 877 photo's (excluding hundreds of others on Facebook) was released, I was not in a single fucken photo, not even in the background somewhere! Oakpics.com were the photographers, and they got loads of great photo's especially of the ladies and the 21km runners, some people featuring in many shots. I was not in one single photo, and I'm seriously fucked off about this because it was my first ever run, I was enthusiastic and excited about the run and I worked my ass off up there and ensured I was running comfortably past the photogs so I could show off afterwards with some kind of graphical momento of the occasion. There are more photo's than there were runners, so I don't know how they fucked that up and missed the one person more chomped to see the photo's than anybody else, judging by the small number of "likes" on their FB page. I'll probably get over this, but I feel disappointed and hard done by.

But hey, shit happens, boo fucking hoo. Oh well!

Run Forrest run, run like the wind...

Running, running and more running... it's hit me like a curse, the bug has bitten and I'm hooked. Despite my desperately aching legs the last two days after running my first road race on Sunday.

On the 15th November, 2 weeks ago, after noticing a Facebook post by one of my FB friends that he had done it, I was outrageously spontaneously inspired to register for the Two Oceans half marathon (21km) next April, which I did, I signed up, and just in time too it seems! All 16,000 available places for the 21km were snapped up within 9 days of being made available. A record. There are now loads of people offering to buy tickets from those of us who have them, I could make a lot of money if I sold my spot, but I'm not going to do that, no sir! It would be like selling my soul!

Two months ago if you suggested I register to do the 2 Oceans I would have laughed in your face, while sweating over my mayonnaise infused 2 minute noodles, after which this blog is named! Or slurring through another bottle of cheap whiskey while another fatty pork chop sizzles on the stove!

But that's all in the past now!

Well, that signing up to do the Two Oceans spurred on the need to get involved in some serious training immediately, including chatting to some friends who are regular runners to learn some tricks, and finding out about shorter local runs. So I got onto the web and quickly found a few useful sites full of info about some upcoming road and trail races and spent copious amounts of time reading up about them and registering for a few. I didn't even know what a trail run was a few weeks ago, nor had any interest in that kind of physical abuse to my big wobbly ass that took me so long to build!

My first run, 3 days ago, was the 10km Superspar Chappies run up Chapmans Peak starting in Hout Bay. The weather was miserable and the wind was pumping, yet everybody there was in high spirits and charged up to do the run, as was I. After all I'd been training for a whole week already with much enthusiasm and sweaty grunting on the gym treadmill! Despite the wind I actually quite enjoyed the experience, something I would never have imagined doing in my wildest aspirations 2 months ago when I was still fat, sweaty and lazy (and probably hungover as was the norm on Sunday mornings!). I started off on the long uphill quickly falling into a comfortable stride aiming to run 10mins and walk 5. 10 minutes came and went as did 15 and I kept running, eventually I took my first break at 25 minutes and walked for 5 before running again. The halfway mark came sooner than expected, at which point I turned around and headed off back the way I came to the finish, all the way DOWNHILL! I did the run in 1 hour and 8 minutes, all 10km up and down Chappies! A few experienced runners reckon this was a very good time for my first run. Honestly I was quite impressed too, I was aiming for around an hour and a half at a push! According to the official timing (see the second page near the bottom) I came 208th out of about 320 runners in the 10km run. At least I didn't come last!

Being my first run I expected to struggle a lot more than I did, it wasn't so bad, I loved the spirited atmosphere amongst the other runners, the surroundings and views were magnificent, I enjoyed the natural beauty and detail that one otherwise misses when you drive the route! All that combined has been a great motivation that I can actually do this and even enjoy it!

I can't wait for the next one...

So I have signed up to do a few more, 4 confirmed and possibly another two, all by the end of the year, which is not too far off:

• This coming Saturday, 3 December - The Vital Run at Lourensford Wine Estate near Somerset West, an off road trail run of 10km through the beautiful winelands. Liezel is doing this one with me.
• Next Saturday, 10 December - The TSiBA Eden New Balance trail run, a 12km run also through the winelands near Stellenbosch.
• Friday 16 December - The RCS Gugulethu Reconciliation Day race, a 10km run-like-hell through the Gugulethu township. I'm really looking forward to this one, it should be a very fascinating experience!
• Wednesday 21 December - The Sundowner 10km race, a late afternoon race starting at the V&A Waterfront, following Beach Road until the Seapoint swimming pool and back. Liezel's doing this one too!
• (Possibly, if my wife allows it!) Monday 26 December, on Boxing day - The Tokai Manor House race, a whopping 16km run through the Tokai forest, just the trick to burn off the ton of calories & fat collected on Christmas Eve and Christmas day, courteousy of our dear mothers. Not that I'll turn my nose up at any of that good food, but I can at least pig out happily with a clear conscience knowing I'll have plenty of energy to burn off over 16km!
• (Possibly, if my wife allows it!) Saturday 31 December - Runners Memorial race, a little 8km to end off the year.

But, there's more! I have also been in touch with a local running club, the West Coast Athletic Club, which I will be joining as a member in the next few days. This will open up the opportunity to do regular runs with a regular group of people as part of a proper club. Apart from the weekly Tuesday run along the Blouberg beachfront (which includes the option of a social drink at the clubhouse, the lifesavers club at Big Bay, thus the club motto - "A drinking club with a running problem") I will be part of the group wearing club colours at the big races around. AND, my club membership will include an official WP (ASA endorsed) running license for a year, which will save a lot of money in paying for temporary licenses every time I register for a race.

BUT, THERE'S EVEN YET MORE... The WCAC invited me to join them for their club hosted annual West Coast Annual Charity Pub Run, TOMORROW evening! Yes you read that right, it's a PUB run. Kind of like a pub crawl, except it's actually an 8km run with 5 compulsory pub stops along the route, which runs from the clubhouse at Eden on the Bay (Big Bay) down to the News Cafe by the Blaawberg road circle and back again. I'm not too worried about the fitness aspect of this run because it's more of a fun social event than a serious race. It will be my first introduction to the club I'll be joining and a chance to meet many other local runners, with drinks in hand! Liezel is doing this one with me too, after much convincing! I'm sure it will be lots of fun, I'm certainly looking forward to the event, which culminates in a big party back at the clubhouse!

So, that's the start of my running. It's still tough for me as I'm still building up the stamina and endurance to do long runs, but I'm keen and full of enthusiasm to take this far and keep it up until I'm doing the long runs and marathons in good times and enjoying it all the way! I'll never win the races, my short stocky legs and stocky build won't allow it, but I'm not doing this to win races, I'm doing it to keep fit and healthy and have fun and get out into the fresh air and enjoy the social vibe that goes with the running events. It's more fun that the treadmill in the gym amongst the testosterone pumped throng of ego-jocks & their cocks wagging at the silly girls only there to be noticed.

My biggest vice with the running at this stage is my smokers lungs clogged up with 18 years worth of tobacco tar! But that is also changing soon! As mentioned in my previous post about the Allen Carr clinic, I did indeed manage to get a spot on this weeks session on Friday due to a cancellation. So, at about 2.30pm on Friday 2nd December 2011 I will be smoking my last cigarette!

Well that's the intention anyway, I'm going in there open-minded with the desire and intention to quit the cigarette for good. Hopefully my will-power will overcome the pull of the addiction and I'll fight off the temptation to light up a fag until the mental pull of the "need" to smoke will diminish into nothingness and I can get on with my life happily without the cigarettes and with a pair of lungs that gradually clear out and come back to life, allowing me to be able to run further and faster without worrying about losing chunks of lung on the roads and trails! If anybody is actually reading this, I will need the encouragement and maybe a kick up the arse if it looks like the temptation might get the better of me! The biggest problem with this is, knowing I'm going to quit soon I am currently smoking more and consciously enjoying my cigarettes, every single one; though the biggest challenge is certainly going to be drinking and not smoking!

Oh, and the last of my health news - I've finally cracked the 90's and broken into the 80's. This morning I weighed 89.9kg! Woo hoo! Although I'm currently 1.6kg behind on my daily weight loss target, it is still steadily coming down, and I'm happy with that. I'm also packing on muscle lately due to all the exercise and I'm pumping heavier weights at the gym, so I'm happy with my health progress. In fact, my trousers that were tight on me 2 months ago are now so large around my waist that even with a belt they look ridiculous. I need to go and buy smaller clothes again soon! How cool is that!

Chocolate brownies and marathons.

Yo whats happening my peeps?

Ag not much excitement from my side hey! I'm on my lunch break now, a rare peaceful one these days! I've been out the whole morning and most of yesterday doing departmental section audits at Groote Schuur hospital, you can't believe how insanely huge that place is! And so far I've only done the old main building, the old hospital. According to my new pedometer (the larney little step, distance, speed, time counter I bought along with a new sports watch last weekend) I have walked around 17km, about 20,000 steps, just at the hospital the last 2 days. And I'm far from finished, I still have to do the NEW main hospital, which is like a city in one building, which is likely to triple the amount of walking I've done so far!

All this along with the running I now do at the gym almost every day, usually 3km lately, and a circuit workout and an hour of squash, is contributing to a pair of constantly stiff legs and gradually increasing fitness levels. I have upped my game with the fitness mission because I recently signed up for next years Two Oceans half marathon of 21km and in the interim registered for loads of short runs, starting with a 10km this coming Sunday up Chapmans Peak. So apart from the fact that I AM gonna kak off on Sunday, I've been putting in the effort to train as hard as my endurance can handle, which isn't much yet! My body is certainly building up the strength quickly, but my lungs are not handling and feel like they are going to explode out of my chest at times in an effort to keep up the oxygen supply to my body. So my next mission is to quit smoking, and soon, but I've decided I like smoking too much so I can't do it on my own as in just quit cold turkey style, and I'm not interested in drugs and nicotine replacement gimmicks. Therefore I have decided to go the Allen Carr route, via one of their half day clinics which apparently has a 90% success rate on the first attempt. Go to the website and see what it's all about, I'm not going to explain it here, but basically it looks like a system that may have a chance of defeating my smoking addiction. Only problem is it's so popular the next free spot on one of the clinics is mid January next year. So I sigh a sigh of relief as I get to enjoy my fags a bit longer!

Meantime I will have to bear the consequences in my new athletic endeavours, but I'm sure I'll be ok, albeit not posting any record times and probably barfing up chunks of blackened lung along the way!

This weekends run is a road race up a mountain, then the next two weeks I'm doing Trail Runs of 10km and 6km which are off-road runs through the wine lands along country paths through vineyards, forests, mountains, etc. These will be a fair bit tougher, but I'm looking forward to the idea of the fresh air outdoor adventure aspect of the sport.

The other reason I'm boosting the fitness now is that my weight loss took a knock over the last week and a half (spit braai last weekend, lots of junk food this weekend including steak, bacon, eggs, pate's, chocolate brownies, etc, and 2 weekends of heavy drinking), and until the last weekend I was not losing any weight, actually gained a bit, unable to break the 91.6kg mark which I reached 3 times in 9 days,  and as such have gone over the red line on my graph depicting my daily target. So now I have some catching up to do to make the 80kg mark by Christmas, and so far it's working, this week I've lost 2kg in 4 days already. This morning I was 90.9kg. By Sunday morning before the race I want to be at most 90kg, just so I have that little bit less to have to lug up the mountain with me!

There are a few potential hiccups between now and Christmas, as can be expected at this time of the year, starting tonight with Liezel's company function, the Party in the Park, which is likely to include something unhealthy. I will refrain from too much beer and junk food, but admittedly the delicious salad I had for lunch didn't totally fill the gap, and after the walking I'm going to do the rest of the day I will probably be hungry enough by the time of the party to be tempted by a boerewors roll or something equally delicious with an ice-cold brew!

Then I have 2 work Christmas lunches and a few other functions involving nice food along the way.

So it will be hard work keeping ahead of the target, once I'm back on track, but watch me I'll do it! I will impress the least believing of you!

And someday soon I'll get back on track with the photography too, which I haven't had time for lately. I do miss it, and I will get it going again in earnest as soon as I've reached my weight loss goal, which right now takes up a lot of my spare time.

But for now I'll leave you with the menu I created for my office Friday tea last week: Home made very Chocolate brownies (with extra chocolate chips), ice cream and a hot chocolate sauce I made using 5 large Bar-One chocolates, a tin of condensed milk and a pot of cream. Then for savoury I made 3 pate's to go with a biscuit selection: rich, spicy chicken liver pate with brandy, smoked snoek, cream cheese and parsley pate, and an avocado & garlic hummus. For extra's I bought coconut cookies and Christmas mince pies. See the photo below for a conservative idea of the feast that my colleagues stuffed themselves on delightedly! Once again I am the undisputed Friday tea King! And, I'm a fucken boy outperforming the old tannies!

It's my first day back at work today after being off sick the whole of last week with the Chicken Pox, which was not fun. Anyway, I can't say I'm delighted to be back, it's always a drag getting back into the boring old work routine after some time off.

To be honest I'm feeling a bit lazy to write this blog too. It's just an obligation since I didn't do one for a week and some weekends and I got plenty to say, I just don't feel like it right now. But sometime in the course of the week I'll do an in-depth account of what the chicken pox experience is like at the ripe old age of 35. Just in case anybody was wondering and considering it as an excuse to get off work or other responsibilities for a few days. Trust me, it's not worth it! It's is a horrid experience!

Just a quick update on the health mission - I'm still working at it... This past weekend I reached the 1 month mark since starting the lifestyle change and in that month I lost 13kg. Unfortunately we went out to a party on Saturday night which featured a lamb spit braai. That meat was just so fantastically delicious that I ate huge quantities of it, throughout the night as I could fit it into my stomach, washed down with the majority of a bottle of whiskey. So anyway I packed on another 0.8kg by this morning that I need to now drop again. Of course my graph went haywire and my estimated target date to reach 80kg (calculated my an automated exponential forecast trendline) moved further along by 2 days from the 19th to the 21st December. But it's ok, at this time of year we're bound to take a knock once in a while, it just means working harder in between.

Tonight I'll be back at gym again for the first time since the dreaded pox struck me down over a week ago. Back on the squash court, and I think dinner will be a portion of my diet protein shake. Got to get that graph back down!

So much for not saying much. Below is my graph as of today.

I work at a radio station!

This whole diet thing has now spawned a rather annoying side to it! Word is out in my office that I'm on this diet and weight loss mission, and everybody is talking about it. It's at the point where I can't have an interaction with somebody at work without either some comments about how the diet is going or how much weight I have lost and how much better I'm looking, which is all flattering but I don't want to discuss it constantly! Even worse, if I pass somebody in the corridor people think I don't notice them checking me up and down! I feel like the spotlight is on me and following me around. Sure, when I'm on stage playing drums I love the attention, but that's the only time. I'm otherwise quite a shy person and not a big fan of attention!

Today we had our weekly Friday office tea, which was very nice. My colleague outdid herself in quality, quantity and presentation, and she made a concerted effort to make the options as healthy as possible, like the lady who's turn it was last week! It was appreciated! It included carrot cake with low-fat cream cheese icing, apple pie, and a very nice fruit platter which I had generous portions of. Very nice indeed, and I ate my fill without pigging out. But then at one stage I got up to go for a piss, because as part of the diet I drink copious volumes of water constantly. When I got back I was asked, in front of 8 people, if I had gone to "purge", ie. stick my finger in my throat and barf up my food. This then became a conversation and I was questioned further. I must have gone red in the face with embarrassment, it was a kak thing to ask and a fucking shit awkward thing to have to explain, at the tea table, that I had indeed gone for a fucking piss! I was seriously not impressed! What the fuck - do these people think I've lost all this weight from throwing up my food like some anorexic ballet dancer (no offence intended to ballet dancers!) This diet has been fucken hard work, determination, and sacrifice of many things that I love!

Seriously, fuck off!

I will no longer mention my mission nor answer questions about it at work. It's something I'm proud of, I don't need condescending insults!

Anyway, rant over... This Friday tea was just a treat that I took as a calculated moderation of something nice.

When this crowd sees my tea contribution next week they are going to fall over backwards, probably with cholesterol heart attacks! It will be a surprise indeed!


Tomorrow we are going to my friend Mandy from school for a braai, whom I've not seen since school, in 1994. Yes I'm that old already! She is also on this will power diet, Tamsyn is a mutual friend from school, so we will endeavour to keep the contents of the braai reasonably healthy as well as being enjoyable. 

BUT, before the braai, Mandy and I are playing squash after months of threatening for a game, something I've been dreading due to her reputation as a pro with bite. That said, I'm looking forward to the game, it will be a good workout and a fantastic learning experience. I have never had any squash coaching so I don't even know if I'm holding the racket correctly, let alone playing correctly, so hopefully I'll learn a few useful tricks!

I also intend to hit the gym tonight and tomorrow morning, with some squash if there's any free courts as I don't have any bookings. I don't book weekend courts in advance since weekends can be so unpredictable. Liezel and I had spoken earlier in the week to not do anything this weekend besides gardening and working around the house and the hike up Lions Head on Sunday morning, which has been cancelled since everybody who was so keen to get a hiking club going has chickened out, and I'm not keen to go up alone and get mugged, which happens there regularly in case you think I'm chickening out too, because I'm not! I'm keen to do it! Well, the weekend is now fully booked, just about!

Then Sunday evening I'm doing a family photo shoot at the beach. Should be interesting!

So anyway, lunch is over, I need to get back to my Autocad drawing!

Have a nice weekend all!

Hallo!

Howzit all you lovely mofo's!

Don't really have much to say today except I have an itch on my back that I can't scratch because my stupid elbows can only bend forwards. How useful it would be if they could go backwards too, what kind on incredible talents and skill sets that would open up! Personally I wouldn't mind being able to turn my head 360 degrees like an owl without breaking my fucking neck! How cool would that be... try sneak up on me then bitch! I won't even start on being able to flap my arms and fly like a bird! That's a very realistic dream I have on a regular basis, in all kinds of surreal situations! Flap my arms and glide over the city at night, quiet and unseen. Though I just thought how impractical taking a camera with would be! But really, I would love to be able to fly!

Anyway, I have no idea where that last paragraph just came from. Boredom brain is at it again!

It's amazing how much more active and imaginative my pickled old grey matter is becoming as time progresses through this lifestyle upgrade I'm putting myself through. Evin mah shpelling has improoved! No seriously, the stronger, fitter body; all the healthy nutrients my body has been deprived of for most of it's existence; and mainly the lack of alcohol seems to be contributing to a gradual increase in my cleverness and sharpness. Even if I'm the only one who thinks so!

Yesterday I played squash twice. Once in the morning at the UCT squash courts on Health Sciences campus, and again in the evening at the gym followed by a good workout. The work paid off, I lost half a kilo in a day, putting me at 95.9kg down from 96.4 yesterday. I have to admit publically, because I have no shame, that yesterday's game at UCT was played in my smart black work shoes and long black socks. Choppy here forgot my trainers. Thank goodness nobody else was there to see it, I must have tooked like an idiot. To top it off I had to wear those same socks and shoes the rest of the day, AND I forgot to take deodorant with! Fortunately I had an emergency supply of deo back at the office!

I just had a salad for lunch, for a change. LOL. Herb lettuce, cucumbers, little tomatoes (as usual) with diced chicken breast, avo, seeds, sun dried tomato, fresh raw garlic, and delicious spicy croutons I made freshly last night, baked with olive oil and chilli. Breakfast was a very good smoothie made with a banana, 4 big strawberries, fat-free yogurt and milk, water, jungle oats, future-life, protein shake, and a tablespoon of peanut butter. This all for two of us! This healthy stuff is just way too delicious!

Talking about last night, the photo is the beautiful meal I cooked for the fandamily. Fortunately it was just enough for the servings pictured, because it was so nice that my Liezel would have uncontrollably eaten tons more had there been more. There was one extra mushroom that she nearly made love to when I slipped it onto her plate (wish I could be as lucky as the mushroom... nearly is better than nothing!).

The food was simply salmon which I bought on special with the frozen fish, otherwise we could not justify paying for salmon in this backwards country. I laid the salmon on a bed (no I didn't shag it you pervert!) of two large mushrooms per piece of fish, with garlic and lemon juice in between and mixed herbs with Ina Paarmans fish spice on top. Baked it in the oven for about 20 minutes (the fish went in still frozen solid) and grilled it the last 5 minutes. Vegetables were steamed in the electric steamer and splashed in the fishy mushroom juice in the baking dish just before serving. The fish was devine, complimented perfectly by the garlic mushrooms!

You may have noticed, or not, there is a lot of garlic in my food lately. The great thing about the garlic is it's making me fart like a tractor, constantly! Especially when I'm walking or playing squash. And I love a good release of ripe fermented flatulence! Just as well I've played squash solo the last 2 days otherwise I'd have had a noxiously unfair advantage on the court! There was something maliciously satisfying earlier today walking through the cafeteria in the Molly Blackburn hall up on UCT campus, place packed to the rafters, puffing away stealthily like a professional "windgat" leaving a trail of gagging students.

Tonight I'm not cooking, we will have health-shakes for dinner and I have a squash court booked at 7.15 after Tammy's swimming lesson.

Have a good baff, I mean day!

I fell off the wagon, hard!

You haven't seen a blog from me this past weekend because I was too busy stuffing my gob with shit that's not healthy, including two nights worth of beer and tequila.

Friday and Saturday night I had those two gigs, and what stonking awesome rockers of a show they both were! But I'll come to that shortly...

Firstly, my health update: the bad stuff started Friday morning with cake and stuff at our weekly office tea, as you may know had you bothered to read my previous entry. Then Friday evening was Liezel's work function. Unfortunately (or fortunately, however you choose to see it) I had to miss dinner at the function because the queue for the food was so ridiculously long by the time I managed to get to it that I couldn't wait long enough to get a meal. Their fucken prize giving took so long! Anyway, I was quite gutted because the food looked and smelled fantastic, although admittedly I would have pigged out on a monstrous plate of food, given the opportunity. Lucky for me I did manage to have a WHITE BREAD roll with full fat LIVER SPREAD as a snack at the table earlier, which was divine.

I managed to plunge 3 beers and a glass of red wine down my gullet before I had to head off to my gig, where I managed to force down another couple of beers and 2 vodka & red bulls. After the gig I went back to the function, managed to scavenge another last glass of that fantastic wine they had in copious volume, at which point my wife decided she wants to go dancing in Edward street. We ended up at China White, which is a shit-hole at the best of times, a students meat market of note! By the time we got in there most of the kids were already comically shitfaced and very brave, the mix of testosterone and oestrogen wafting through the place like an invisible storm, and the DJ pumping out the worst commercial tunes he could find. Of course I was grumpy because the red bulls I had earlier had worn off during a half hour of serious drumming workout, this old man just wanted to close eyes and sleep! Anyway I obliged the wife and let her have her dance for a while before we headed off all the way back to Parklands!

Saturday was an up and out early day, much to my tired old body's delight. We went out to Durbanville to feed my mothers cat and fix her computer. We also popped in to see Ouma, my grandmother. We haven't seen her in about 2 months and my conscience was nagging me a tad to make an appearance. We stuck around there for a good 2 hours and caught up on the family gossip and other news. Shame, the old biddy really appreciates our visits, seldom as they are. It doesn't sound like too many other family members ever visit her and I don't think she has too many friends left who are still breathing. She always seems to be in the shit with at least half the family, who just outright avoid contact with her. I know she's a shit stirrer and as stubborn as the next one, but I do feel sorry for the old girl, she's quite lonely, and about to hit 80. She doesn't seem to think she'll be around for much longer, which I say is bullshit - she'll probably outlive most of us! I also understand her reluctance to drive around too much anymore, which really is a victory for road safety because she is a fucken hazard behind the wheel! I promised to take her out for the day sometime soon for a picnic or something.

We had cake. With icing!

Saturday night was another gig, and a late one again featuring a few more carbo packed beers and tequilas which made no effort in pasting themselves around my waistline. Not to mention creamy cheese crisps somewhere along the way.

Not surprisingly Sunday I slept late, all the way to 11.30! I can't explain in words how wonderful that was! Thanks to my wife for allowing it!

We then headed off to the new Makro at Montague Gardens for one of the worst experiences of my life! I absolutely hated the place, it was packed to bursting point with an insane volume of people, half of whom had big screen TV's in their trolleys! It was unbelievable! I'm sure when the crowds have died down it will be a nice place to shop, they have some good specials, but I'll wait for that. The fact that Tammy was throwing her classic tantrums just aggravated my mood. It was a truly kak experience, and an expensive one!

I heard that place did a turnover of R39 million on it's first day!

In the afternoon I went off and had a much more leisurely grocery shopping trip to Pick & Pay, alone, for our weekly supply of healthy foods based on the menu I set up for the week.

Last night I cooked up a very delicious chicken curry with brown rice. Big pot of food, delicious and nutritious, I packed a big tub of it in the freezer for another day. I won't bore you with the recipe detail, except it had all good stuff; loads of vegetables, no oil, I skinned the chicken, and used fat-free yogurt instead of cream. Worst ingredient was a few potatoes.

Between Friday and this morning I only went down 0.2kg, not surprisingly. To be honest I expected it to be higher, though strangely on Saturday I was down to 96kg (from 97 on Friday) and Sunday it was 95.3kg. Probably because of hangover dehydration. This morning I was back up to 96.8kg.

Crap, check the time! I need to get back to work! I'll do another blog later about the gigs, with pictures and video. If you read this far - thanks! Appreciated! If you didn't - I hope you trip over the pavement and land with your face in a fresh pile of dog shit (just because I know you'll never know I said this!)!

Halloween Rock & Roll

Todays title relates to the night I have ahead of me! Starting off with Liezels corporate Christmas fuction which is a rock & roll theme, then I'll be off to play some proper rock & roll with my band The Pits at Zula bar and probably still go back to the rock & roll party. Hectic schedule! Then tomorrow night we'll be jamming yet another set of rock & roll in Plumstead at the Jolly Roger. All this through Halloween weekend celebrations.

I've just printed off the set list for this weekends gigs, it's going to be two awesome sets of live music! I'll record them with the camcorder and post the videos up to youtube over the weekend, maybe even get some photo's if somebody is prepared to man the camera. My friend Claire took pics at the Punk gig a few weeks ago, I think she's forgotten about us, understandably as I know she's very busy with actual paying tog jobs, so I'll try get some with my camera this weekend so we have something to show for these gigs.

I also found out yesterday we (The Pits) are featuring on the front cover of the LMG magazine in November, and we have an article in the Garage magazine (photo below). So you see, we're getting famous! Maybe then I'll even get a few more readers on my blog, besides the regulars (Liezel, Tamsyn, Richard, that I know of). But then I'll probably have to be a bit more fucking careful what I write too. People in the general public can get pathetically sensitive and offended by honest opinions. That's why celebs end up being so fake all the time, living "constructed" lives, so as not to upset the pussies out there.

Ok, off on a tangent!

Extract from Garage Magazine.

Back on the usual boring bullshit of my lifestyle challenges, today I have to admit the diet is going out the window like an unwelcome fart. We had our usual Friday tea in the office this morning, and although Evelyn very kindy catered for us health conscious few with a platter consisting of rabbit food, aka, celery, carrot sticks, cherry tomatoes, lettuce, etc (much to the sheer horror of the chocoholic sweet tooths in the crowd). Unfortunately the platter also had sausage, cheese, ham, cream cheese, and she supplied croissants and chocolate cake. The platter was very nice but it would have been plain rude if I didn't have some cake and croissants too, so I did have a generous portion! The cake was lovely, but more important - OMF I forgot how good cheese tastes!

To make matters worse there is a 3 course buffet dinner braai at the party tonight, at which I will unlikely have the will-power to stay away from the nice juicy greasy saucy meaty stuff and just eat a plate of yet more fucking lettuce! Hell no, today is a treat and I will enjoy it!

Needless to say that bar graph I have plotting along with my daily weight reading from my bathroom scale every morning is probably going to have a mile high spike tomorrow!

This photo below is a screenshot of my weight loss chart. The bar graph is my weight in kilograms each day pulled from the data on the left. The red line is the average weight I need to be at daily in order to get to 80kg by 25 December, Christmas. It works out to 0.33kg a day that I have to lose to reach my goal, which is loads I know, but as you can see I'm quite well ahead of my daily average by around 2kg. Now tomorrow it's quite possible the black graph bar for 29-Oct will stick it's determined peak over the red line, which just means I have a shit-load of squash to play this weekend to get it back down again and I won't eat ANYTHING until Monday morning! This morning I was 97kg, 0.3kg down on yesterday, which is expected after the hour of squash I played last night.

The run that didn't happen.

This morning I had my alarm clock set to go off at 5am with the intention of getting up early to go for a jog around the neighbourhood. The motivation to start jogging in the mornings is strong with full intention because it's much easier than trying to get to the gym in the morning with time to get ready and get going in short supply as it is. I'll stick to gym in the evenings, but I want to get even more cardio exercise going to get even fitter and speed up the fat-burn weight loss!

That alarm went off at 5 and I could hear the familiar splatter and twang of raindrops pummelling the tin roof over the braai area outside my window (actually it was more of a gentle pitter patter). I won't deny that I was delighted not to have to get up, because my first jog for exercise in donkeys years would have just been demotivating to do in the rain. I was looking forward to the run, kinda, but it was sheer bliss to set the snooze on my alarm for 20 minutes later as I fell back into a deep warm comfortable sleep albeit for only a short while longer!

Last night we collected Tammy from her grandmother after a stopover at Canal Walk so I could exchange a few shirts I bought last week, that were too BIG for me at the size I've been buying them the last few years. I got a few different ones at the next size down, one of which I'm wearing now and fits comfortably, and a couple of other nice tops. My Edgars account is now at a stupid level, so no more clothes shopping for some time to come, at least another 6 months.

We got Tammy home around 7.30, and I never thought I'd be so happy to have her back. After two days without my baby girl I missed her terribly, it was great to have her back where she belongs! I don't know how I'll ever manage to let her go when she grows up and moves out and gets married someday!

Well I cooked supper which was intended to be stir fry, but turned out more like a chicken and fresh vegetable stew. Very healthy, completely fat free and it was really delicious.

Only after dinner did I head off to the gym, got a court at 8.45pm and played squash until 9.30 against some Indian guy called Sam who gave me a proper run around, which was great, it was a good workout.

Despite that I still only came down 0.1kg from yesterday to 97.2kg. A little disheartening, but at least it's still down.

Today I go for a decent haircut and not a no.2 shave for the first time in many years of donning the tennis ball look. Liezel is even paying the exorbitant price to have it done at a hairdresser, mainly because she is trying to doll me up as her fashion accessory for her work party tomorrow night. But it's fine, I'll play along, and bank the favour with high interest!

This weekend I have 2 Halloween gigs on with my band The Pits:

• Friday at Zula Bar, Long Street, Cape Town. R30 cover.
• Saturday at the Jolly Roger, Plumstead. FREE entry.

Both gigs are going to be cookers, especially as I'm now much fitter since the last gig I may have to get some spare sticks before the shows!

Wow, I just got really good feedback from the operations director of UCT libraries for the brilliant work I did for her this week, she will be writing a letter of praise to my boss. The timing is perfect as I'm just about to start nagging about renewing my contract which expires end of January. Cool stuff, and that's just motivated me to get off the blog and do some work!

Salad, again?

I have to admit that salad I made for lunch today was delicious! Worlds apart from that rubbish I made yesterday that even the rabbits would have turned their noses up at! Just shows what a little extra effort can muster up.

Todays slaai medley was a conglomerate of the usual lettuce, cherry tomato & cucumber, spruced up with spicy juicy garlicky fried chicken breast, diced, and crunchy fresh baked croutons (both made by me last night), with dried cranberries and low-fat feta. The combination just worked, especially the occasional tang of cranberry sweeteness amongst the spiciness of the chicken. I wish I had a photo because it even looked nice and colourful.

Just goes to show, keeping it simpler makes the flavours work together better.

Gym tonight again, we're going strait from work, I have a court booked at 5.45 and you bet your ass I'm going to play like a man possessed for the full 45 minute session! I need to burn off more than I have been it seems. This morning the bathroom scale (which I've now affectionately named "Spiteful Fucking Bitch") told me I was 98kg, exactly the same as yesterday! Which defies belief since I stuck to healthy eating and had a good workout last night! So tonight it's a solid cardio fat burn mofo of a workout with a fat-free protein shake for dinner. That bloody scale better say something around 97kg or less tomorrow morning or it's gonna be strapped to a busy railway line!

Saw my mom today. She gave me keys to her house! True story!

The picture below is a little inspiration as to why Liez and I are on this health drive. If not we would end up looking like this couple by the time Tammy is the same age as this little girl. Probably with slightly more stylish beach tents, but just as big! Even the sharks would avoid taking a chomp out of this lot for fear of death by cholesterol!

Fuck Mondays!

 Ok so that title's a tad over-dramatic, granted, because I'm normally quite optimistic about Mondays, as much as that sentiment is forced with a teeth-baring grin more often than not. I just didn't enjoy this one.

Specifically, and I've said this before, it's not pleasant going to gym on Monday evenings. The place is just ridiculously overcrowded and irritating, it's packed to the brim with brats and wannabe snobs out to impress and get laid. Fuck off and be cool somewhere else you little shits and leave the rest of us to get our exercise without having to trip over your bloated ego's and suffocate in your ferremones!

Liez and I went in there after 8pm hoping it would be a little less busy, and sure it was probably less busy than at 6pm but still very much not pleasant. I was seriously keen to have a game of squash, been trying for days to catch a cancellation with no luck. All the courts fully booked until closing today. So I took the chance of getting a free court from a no-show, no such luck. That really fucked me off, which I realise is unreasonable of me, but I don't take disappointment well when I'm determined, especially since it's screwed with my weight loss plan in that I didn't get the cardio workout I needed which means the scale reading is going to depress me in the morning. Even more so the fact that I ended up spending 40 minutes pumping weights and circuit machines on my upper body (arms, chest, shoulders, lats, back and abs), so the newly forming muscle is going to push that scale reading up even more.

Yet the walrus around my waist clings on doggedly!

Apart from the gym I was just irritable today, had a dull day at work and spent far too many hours of the day in the car stuck in traffic. Took me fucken 50 minutes just to get the 4km out of Parklands again this morning. I still pulled finger at some guy just because he had a bigger car than me that I couldn't see past and I was sick of staring up his exhaust pipe for half an hour. I think he saw me, and of course I felt like a cock when I realised what a cock I was behaving like!


We dropped Tammy off at her granny Bev this evening where she will spend the next 2 days and nights while she's off with the chicken pox. It's a big help from Bev and much appreciated, but it just annoyed me even further because I don't like it when my Tammy's not around, I miss my little peanut too much, and of course I worry about her when I'm not directly in control of her safety and well-being. I know she's in good hands, I'm just saying how it is. This house is too quiet without her and noticeably empty, despite the mess that's evidence of her recent hurricane adventures!

Dinner tonight, for the record, was cooked and eaten early at 6.30, a recipe that was suggested by our Will-Powers sponsors, slightly modified to my liking. 2 chicken breasts sliced up and fried with an onion, large leek, 8 large mushrooms, a load of spinach, tablespoon of crushed garlic, origanum, pepper, honey and soya sauce, served on a bed of gem squash. I enjoyed it thoroughly, as did the missus, and the portion sizes were just enough.

I also fried up more chopped up chicken breast in garlic, lemon and chili sauce for tomorrow's lunch salad, and I baked a load of nice crunchy garlic croutons. Tomorrow's salad will be a shitload better than today's.

Well I feel better now after my rant, off to bed...

Salad Overkill

I think I got a little too ambitious with my salad today, it's not quite as nice as I'd hoped it would be! Just the combo of ingredients don't really work, namely the usual base of lettuce, cherry tomatoes & cucumber, with mixed nuts, raisins, mixed sprouts, chopped gherkins, sun dried tomato, red pepper, and balsamic dressing.

Earlier I had a small bag of mixed nuts and raisins as a mid morning snack, and the usual smoothie for breakfast.

I was a bit despondent this morning as I'd only lost 0.3kg in the last day, I expected more since our gruelling climb to the top of Lions Head and back down again yesterday morning. That was a workout and a half with not much weight loss to show for the effort!

That said, I've lost 4kg in a week, since last Monday, which isn't too bad going. Being at 98kg today I was hoping to get to 95 by this coming Friday, though I think 96.5kg is probably a bit more realistic. But still I'll keep trying, including a game of squash every day this week!

Hopefully this evening somebody cancels their squash court booking or doesn't turn up because it's fully booked as always and I'd really like to play this evening. The squash booking system at Virgin Active Tableview doesn't really work because as the bookings for a day are opened online 2 weeks prior people go on and book up the slots quickly so it's near impossible to get a booking on weeknights within a few days of wanting to play, let alone on the day. Then what happens is people book courts for just in case, and often just don't turn up without having the common courtesy to cancel their booking so somebody else can use the court. So if I don't have my booking made 2 weeks in advance I gotta just rock up and hope for the best, which is what a lot of people do so the competition is stiff.

I'm now in the habit of booking my courts every day as they open up for that day in 2 weeks time so that I get my court securely booked, though I DO actually cancel in advance if I'm not gonna make it.

The only plus side of this system is that because of all the guys rocking up in the hope of getting a court, on days that I have a court booked there's often random people that will join me for a game so I don't play solo all the time. I do enjoy playing solo sometimes, but a game with an opponent is more fun and a great workout!

So, about that climb up the mountain yesterday, I'll blog about it later, maybe, since the photo's are at home. Check them on Facebook in the meantime if you're impatient.

I got nothing else to say now.