Day 3

So far so good, still no booze in the last 3 days. Early days still, I know, but progress is progress, albeit in baby steps.

Last night we went out to a restaurant for dinner, Enchanted Pizza in Parklands. The pizza was fantastic, and I drank sparkling mineral water. Quite enjoyed it actually.

Though I'm was still considering the dilemma of social functions like the usual rugby braai or going to a pub. What then? If I keep it to one or two "social" drinks am I still going to count those days, providing I manage to keep control so it doesn't become a binge, ie. hammering back shooters then hitting the whiskey back at home just to get pissed.

The problem is I understand that alcoholism doesn't work like that. It's all or nothing. I know from many years of experience that once I start my inhibitions and all good intentions frizzle away with each swig and the demonic urge to consume as much alcohol as possible until all sense of reason and reality is a mindless blur (and slur) takes full control without much effort. "Just one beer" soon becomes a "fuckit, I'll start again tomorrow", and then tomorrow is another pity-party full of regrets and kicking myself for being a weak idiot again with a throbbing hangover rendering another day wasted!

One option is to allow unrestricted "off days", like once every fortnight. But then that sounds just like the cop-out that it is! That feels like the insecurity of FOMO (fear of missing out) and a fear of not having fun griping my thoughts. This addiction is like a parasite on my mind! Not like, it is!

We'll see what happens. For now I'm taking this one day at a time. Each day sober is a small victory!

Tonight being Tuesday is AA meeting in my area, a fact that I'm brutally conscious of. I'm still in half minds about going, each thought of going gives me nervous butterflies bordering on fear. I've not mentioned it to my family or anybody yet because if I say I'm going then chicken out then nobody takes me seriously. Understandably, since I've said these things so many times before!

Besides this blog I've not mentioned this "mission" to anybody.

I shall report back tomorrow what happens...